Things do not change; we change. Thoreau

I’ve been doing so well recently, I really wanted to keep the momentum going. But I knew it would be difficult with a hectic week planned, and an injured foot cutting in significantly on my workout plans. One pound, I pleaded with myself. You can hold this together and pull one pound. And I did… okay. I made some poor choices, like a bottle of wine and some awesome-to-die-for-you-can’t-blame-me Belgian chocolate. But I made some good choices, too, like prepping a huge salad and cooking ahead innumerable chicken breasts for quick, go-to lunches.

Last week I was 163.

I was desperately hoping to see 162.

But I didn’t.

Last week: 163
This week: 161.5

HAH! Hahahahahaha! (insert maniacal laugh here, as I’m barely hanging on to my sanity today, so it’s kind of fitting) And here I had you thinking I had gained! And I actually loss one and a half pounds! Ahhh, I crack myself up. (see, more proof of my pending nuthouse status)

All lame-ass joking aside, I feel like I’m in a really good place right now. Like I’ve FINALLY figured out the right calorie range, and the right foods, and the right amount of exercise. And I’ve learned what my triggers are, and how to avoid them. And how to compensate for them when I do occasionally succumb. I feel like this isn’t some far off dream — SOME DAY I’ll lose this weight and be in shape. I feel like this is really IT. I’m really doing it!

Life is crazy right now. Not bad, just busy. I fear I’ve been neglecting my bloggy duties. So I’ll apologize right here for not commenting on your blog recently. It’s not that I don’t care. I just have to care about others things more right now

OK, let’s get down to business:

*I had pizza on Wednesday, but only one piece.

*I had wine on two separate occasions — only one of which was planned.

*I stayed within my set calorie range every day this week!

*But I didn’t use those calories wisely at times.

*I occasional reverted to feeding my emotions, as opposed to fueling my body.

*I don’t think that’s going to come back to bite me tomorrow, but it’s a bad habit I need to nix.

*I kicked ass and walked 8 miles on Sunday! Not strolling around, window shopping walking. It was swiveling my hips, looking like a moron, but not caring walking.

*I haven’t worked out since Sunday.

*I am in pain. But tolerable now. I’m no longer contemplating cutting off my left foot. So that’s progress, right?

I’ve been slacking on the Monday Projects lately. Not because I don’t want to participate. Just because I’ve been so stinking busy. But this is one Monday Project I thought it was important to participate in. To think deep and be honest with myself. This week’s query: what would my life be like if I’d waited two more years before starting this journey?

I shudder to even think. To start with the obvious, I’d be heavier. I’d probably be around the 200 mark. I’d most likely have many/most of the health concerns that go with being obese — diabetes, high cholesterol, etc.

But that’s not the worst of it. Although you probably wouldn’t guess it from my online persona, I’m actually very shy and introverted in person. In the last few months, that’s gotten much better. It’s still a very innate part of my personality, that will never change. But I… talk more with people. I laugh more. I’m more willing to try something new. To go up to someone I don’t know and start a conversation. To laugh at myself when I make a mistake — like telling a store clerk (in French, obviously) that I am a baguette rather than that I have a baguette. If I hadn’t started this journey, I believe this would have gotten much worse. I have more confidence now that I’m taking care of myself.

My husband might, in some ways, have been happier if I hadn’t started down this path. Sure, I’d be chunkier, and more unhappy with myself, but I’d be more docile. I stand up for myself now in ways that I didn’t before. I dare to disagree. I don’t just automatically acquiesce and follow his lead anymore. It’s been a bit of an adjustment for him to find that I actually have a backbone. Hmmm, I should probably give him more credit than I do. For eight and a half years, I was that wife. He’s actually coping admirably well with my personality change!

I’d be more Mom, but less Me. That’s something I’m only just now figuring out — that taking time for myself and having my own identity outside the kids is healthy and normal.

I’d be setting goals like “today I’ll walk three blocks to the grocery store” instead of “I’ll train to walk a marathon”. I know, because that used to be my big exercise for the day. A year ago, I never would have thought about completing a marathon. Now, there’s no doubt in my mind that I can complete it. How long it will take, and how sore I’ll be, those are the questions. But I don’t doubt my ability to do it.

There’s so much more, but I think these points wrap it up nicely. I’ve lost seven pounds and one pants size. Yay, me!! But that’s nothing, absolutely nothing, compared to the inside changes that are taking place.

It’s Weigh In Wednesday at the Sisterhood — how did you do?

I had a daunting task this week — maintain a four pound loss from last week. When have I ever lost one week and then maintained the next? Answer: NEVER. I am definitely of the down 1.5, up 1, variety, see-sawing my way up and down the scale. This week, however, except for one day, I have been so dedicated to this. But how would it all pan out in the end?

Please don’t let me gain… please don’t let me gain… please don’t let me gain…

Last week: 164
This week: 163

Not only did I maintain last week’s loss, but lost another full pound! I was totally doing a happy dance in my bathroom this morning!

1. Saturday was my son’s birthday. (do I really even need to go on?)
2. He requested penne alfredo. I didn’t bother trying to healthy it up.
3. I had a small piece of cake. Truly small. I don’t really care for cake.
4. So I felt kind of cheated that I didn’t get a treat.
5. So I ate half a bag of doritos.
6. So I felt like death the next day.
7. So I skipped my 6 miler on Sunday (I used the crappy weather as an excuse).

On the upside, I’ve been working harder than you can imagine since then. Seriously. Today I tackled that missed 6-miler and followed it up with day two of the 30 Day Shred. And my eating, since 10PM Saturday, has been spotless. I’m doing everything I can to erase the damage I did in one evening. I’m not sure it’s going to be enough to save me tomorrow, though.

Well, today just keeps on getting better and better! First I stepped on the scale and was more than pleased with what I saw! Then I registered Harry for preschool and met his maitresse, Madame Laeticia, who is wonderful and kind and whom he loves. We stayed for about ten minutes while I talked to her, and Harry played with the other kids, dropped a baby doll on its head and then kissed it better, and went around the room playing “gimme 5″ with everyone that would put their hands up! Just now, I find out that I won a bronze medal at the Shrinking Jeans Olympics!

So…..

It’s Weigh In day over at The Sisterhood, and like any good sister I stumbled out of bed this morning, shedding clothes as I went, to stare blurry-eyed at the numbers on the scale. Then I stepped off, rubbed my eyes, blinked them a couple times, and got back on. Hmmm. Off again, took a shower to really wake myself up, dried off, and got back on. Wow. All I can say is wow.

Last week: 168
This week: 164

That’s four freaking pounds!! Now, if you’ll remember, the week before I had gained back a previously lost pound. So perhaps this more of a water-retention-finally-lost one pound, plus three actual pounds kind of loss. I’m very happy with the number, of course, and I’m cautiously optimistic. But I’m also already mentally preparing myself for weigh in next week, reminding myself that with a four pound loss one week, simply maintaining that loss will be a fantastic accomplishment. But you know I’m going to do everything in my power not only to maintain, but to lose — because this isn’t about just me anymore. I’ve got to stay on target for my teammates! Are you on a team? Why the hell not?! Haul your keister over to the Sisterhood and get yourself signed up!

Oh also, I finally earned the right to put this on my blog!

I spent half an hour (at least!) this morning catching up with the Shrinking Jeans Olympics Medal Ceremony that took place on Twitter last night, while I was in the Land of Nod. Congrats to all the winners! I am in awe of some (many… most!) of the numbers and times I saw there! And am astounded that I managed to nab a medal of my own in the plank. I held it for an amazingly long 3 minutes 11 seconds, which earned me this bronze baby:

I’ll be wearing it with pride, thank you! And thanks to all my fans! I couldn’t have done it without you!

ummmm…..

You know, I’m sure I have things to confess this week. The last few days I’ve been very, very dedicated. But Thursday and Friday I know my head was not in the game. I just can’t remember anything terribly sinister I did those days. Maybe I didn’t flub it up too badly, or maybe, like a trauma victim, my mind is blanking certain parts of my memory so they don’t do me any more harm.

Regardless, it’s been a good week. I’ve got a brand new attitude, I’ve been working out daily, and I’ve been eating sensibly. I haven’t dared step on the scale, but I’m really expecting to have lost at least the pound I gained last week. But I’m not counting on that. I’m doing things right, and I’m going to focus on that rather than on the scale.

One pre-confession: Saturday is Liam’s 6th birthday. We’re going out to eat. I’m making cake. And then cupcakes for school. I’m going to do my best to limit my cake (and frosting!!) consumption, but you know, our kids’ birthdays are the few days we choose to celebrate in the year, so celebrate I will!

Or, more accurately, I have mail. Today I got a package from Christie O. with some of my recent winnings from the Sisterhood. Thanks so much, Christie! And also, truly, thanks for taking the time to fill out the paperwork to send things to me. I get such a kick out of getting mail, but people rarely send anything due to the hassle involved. So I get lots of e-cards and gift certificates. But I digress…

I love this candle. It’s beautiful, it smells heavenly, and the message really touches a chord with me.

The second goody I got was this fabulous little Hottie bag. It contains two fairly good-sized, sturdy re-usable shopping bags. We’re all about the re-usable bags over here. But what we have are big, super-sturdy canvas totes. Great for your week’s shopping, but a bit of an overkill when I just need to pop to the shops for bread and some fresh fruit. These are perfect. I especially love the carabiner — I can attach it to a loop on my purse, or to the stroller, and forget about it. Until I need it. And then it’s actually there! And not left forgotten in the car!

What a great day. The sun is shining again, my kids are behaving, I’ve got good friends, and I get presents to boot!

Recently, my posts have taken a bit of a negative turn. With everyone sick, and ghastly weather, and no real joy on the getting fit front, I haven’t had much to say with a positive vibe.

I’m kind of sick of it.

Today, I’m feeling positive. Upbeat. Full of energy. I think it’s mostly because the sun was out, almost all day today. It was glorious! We don’t tend to get a lot of snow in Belgium (this year being the exception) — what we get are months and months of gray, overcast skies, rain, and icy winds. I never realized before how much this has been affecting my attitude and, as a result, my actions.

Hopefully we’ll see the sun tomorrow, too, and this mental high will continue. Hopefully I’ll wake up feeling like I could tackle anything. But just in case, I’m leaving a note for myself.

Today:

The sun was out!
I walked 5 miles at my fastest pace yet!
I didn’t have to wear three layers!
I slipped into a long lost pair of (too small) jeans with ease!
I made a huge batch of soup to see the hub and me through lunches all week!
I made good decisions all day long!
I decided that the rest of the week would be good as well!